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Cold as The Proverbial

Hello agin, it’s so cold here today, I think it must be snowing at Mother’s. It’s never as cold here as it is at hers but I bet it’s not far off it. brrrrr! I shouldn’t be surprised if the rivers don’t freeze over. It’s quite a dank place here, did I mention that before? It fair gets me down to be honest. Nothing is ever really dry and the washing has that stale water smell most of the time. ah well. At least we have water, I say, though I wish we lived a bit near Phlegethon – at least it’s warmer there.

O yes, last time I was about to go off to work with Hades. He’s so demanding but it is my duty as his wife, or so he insists. My actual  job title is ‘Her Most Formidable, Venerable and Majestic Queen Of The Shades’. I mean really! and Hades insists it is I “who carries into effect the curses of men upon the souls of the dead”. He should look us up on Wikipedia, that’d shut him up a bit. Anyway I went along as per and had to dole out some justice, I mean Justice: it’s always a difficult time for the bewildered and its worse when they’ve been out of order and you have to get mean with them. Some of them have just been utter bastards which is why they have to stay with Hades. He’s a hard taskmaster but if you behave he’s not so bad, really.

I think Hades got the worst deal really but I’m quite glad he didn’t get his half-brother’s bit of the realm. Poseidon likes water and it’s just as well, hey?! Though he gets to meet the strange and unusual things of the oceans, things none of us have ever seen before. And he’s got mermaids for friends. That must be rather magical, I should think.  The plus points are they’re both very rich, Poseidon gets the pickings of any shipwrecks or things dropped overboard and Hades mines are spilling over with gold and all that. The whole family are like billionaires or something but it doesn’t really interest me much, as long as I get food and clothing I’m happy.  Nature is my bounty, I reckon. Hades says I’m a space pixie when I talk like that. But f-you, Hades you C***. oops…

Maybe you can tell, Hades has been going on at me of late. He says I am too extreme in my nature and need to get a bit of balance. I admit I can be a bit up and down and I do get fed up with living in the dark most of the time with him. He’s not exactly Mr Entertainment is he? You can’t get a word out of him for months sometimes then he’s all sunshine and flowers… well he’s not exactly The Elysium when he’s in a good mood  but you wouldn’t recognise the silent and difficult man I know (and love). It’s hard to stay positive and sometimes I just want to throw people into the pits of fire or torture them nastily when Hades gets on my case but I try to remain as spiritual as possible. I don’t think I could live with myself if I became as unpitying as he can be at times. The old fart that he is. I wish people saw his more playful side but it’s as rare as hens teeth and that’s not an exaggeration.

I know this probably isn’t the place to mention it but Mum said something about him being her brother! That would make him my uncle but I can’t believe it. I’ve asked him but he doesn’t say much about it. If he turns out to be my uncle then it’s definitely over. I’ve texted The Jeremy Kyle Show so hopefully we can get on that and get a DNA test. Sick isn’t it? and not in a good way either.

We are off on a trip in the next few days, to Tartarus. yuk! I don’t like that place it’s even more gloomy than here and it has a really bad BAD vibe. I don’t know what this Erebus business is but I don’t like the sound of it. Anyway, I’ll keep you posted as our journey progresses. It’s going to take a week or two to get there, by horse-drawn cart no less. Lucky me!

Well I have to say sorry but I can’t seem to concentrate today. It’s just so cold, my fingers find it hard to type but I said I’d be back and Hi Mum! Hope to read your blog soon, it’s a good way to keep in touch as Hades won’t let me have messenger but he doesn’t understand blogs. phew! Won’t be long now Mum, just a few months till spring and I’ll be back to help with the planting and mowing. Ok?

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